My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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