I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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