So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
