the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
