smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
