Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
