your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
