It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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