you have to choose: penises or morals?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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