Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
