It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
