i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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