Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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