I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
