Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
