My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
