i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
