LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
