dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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