all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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