Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
