I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
