You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
