you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
