Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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