My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you win again, gameday.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
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