I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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