Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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