I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
