I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
