I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
