You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so let's talk penis.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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