eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
