I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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