# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
