THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
