I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
