i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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