Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
