a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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