If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
