I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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