3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
