My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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