somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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