i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
