I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
