Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
