she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
