WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
