I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
