If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
