No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
