I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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