I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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