I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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