Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
