Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
