I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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