At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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