after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
