I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
