your room smells of hookers.
And success
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
