So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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