I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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