Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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