I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
