my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
