before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I think i got beer on your cat.
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