I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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