Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
