i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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