I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize