then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
