"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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