highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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