i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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