i think my mom watched the whole time
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
