As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
