Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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