hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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