Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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